On Being Awful at Life..

So it's been just past 2 months since I've updated last...I feel utterly gross and awful for writing that. Life has been crazy and insane since school started.

I didn't end up getting a permanent position. I'm currently at a semi-local urban high school until next week. I've been there since the beginning of the year. I'm ready to peace out on out of here. The drive is killing me and the "extra" money I get is going straight to my gas tank.

Counseling sessions have been okay with Jay and myself. We've been going back and forth between solo sessions and group sessions. While I do see the improvement that has been coming out of it, it has been getting frustrating for me. Jay will randomly bring up "oh, we should have joint/split or group sessions" reads: "I have a problem with you that I want to bitch about". While I enjoy that we are able to talk about things and work through them, I don't like that I have to wait a day or two (or more!) to talk it out. If he can mention that he wants a joint session, he can quite easily spill the beans about what's buggin' him...

In other news semi-related to counseling, both of my sisters are now engaged. While I am certainly happy for them, I am also quite PO'ed. I'm the middle sister, the one that's been dating her significant other the longest, and I have yet to get engaged. And both weddings are in 2011. Oh, and, obviously, I'm in both of them. Kat's wedding is May, Bean's wedding is December. I have plenty of time to lament over them. I've been getting frustrated with Kat's stuff because she was my half sister growing up, and we weren't very close. While I'm all in support of being in her wedding, I'm just a bridesmaid with Bean. Kat's step sister is the matron of honor, and therefore, according to the book, the one in charge of all the shit. I'm Bean's maid of honor, so I'm in charge of all of her shit. However, Kat's matron wants to 'just be in charge of the bachelorette party'.....so she's left the planning and paying for the bridal shower to me and Bean. Bean is an awful party planner, so I've pretty much taken it up as my duty. That's great and all, but I'm just saying that if the matron asks for anything for her party end crap, I'll knock her out. Of all the siblings, I'm the one that gets the lowest income, and I hate that it's all piling up at once. I had my one cousin married last month, a bridal shower/wedding of Jay's cousin next month, and then Kat and Bean's wedding stuff that I'm running shows for. It's expensive to have friends...urgh..

Part of me is just, in general, that Jay has yet to just take a sh*t..

On Living Next to the Ocean.

Amazing week so far. It's crazy that it's Wednesday - Jay and I were just saying this morning how it feels like Thursday or Friday we've been so comfortable here. I was a little worried about getting a resort - while I love being treated to/not having to worry about pulling out my wallet, I really enjoy being a tourist and getting a feel for the cultural experience of where I am. So, so far:
Monday - Pool
Tuesday - Beach/pool
Wednesday - Tulum ruins/beach
I've been feeling a little off today (FYI: TMI: This morning I had some funky bowel movements), so while the gang went out for lunch I stayed here to update and get room service. I got some caeser salad and a cheeseburger. I really have yet to get starving yet: love it.

Pictures to come later. Going to enjoy my food (:

On Everything Being in Mexican

I'm in Mexico and it feels amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's me on my bed passed out. I stayed up all night because I was afraid I'd miss my flight, left my house at 4AM, took flight at 7AM, arrived in Mexico at 9:15AM, got to my resort at 12PM, first drink at 12:30PM, followed by lunch/drunkeness/nap/check into room/crash/swim/dinner/drink. Now I'm in my room enjoying the quiet. It's been a little tough with Jay's mom. It's me and her in one room, and Jay/our friend Wally in the other.
I love Jay's mom, don't get me wrong, but being separated from Jay for the week, and having only been here for less than 15 hours, it feels like I'm here to take her around while Jay and Wally do their thing. Which is not what I signed up to do! haha..
Anyway, it's amazing here. We upgraded to a poolside/oceanview room at Dreams Tulum in Mexico. it's about an hour drive south of Cancun. We had lunch at the Mexican restaurant. I had a chicken fajita and Jay had a beef burrito. I really liked the fajita. For dinner, we ended up at the World Cafe Buffet. Compared to other buffets, it was decent, however, it is a buffet. Things just always taste weird when it's coming from a buffet. I did, though, have an AMAZING soup. It was greenish, and was like a mushroom/potato/something that makes it green. It was to die for, as was the filleted fish. The rest of the food was kind of bland, they didn't label things that well, and the fruit wasn't as fresh as I would have preferred from a Mexican resort.
Since I crashed during the day, Jay befriended the bartenders while I slept (AKA got really trashed). Wasn't too bad though, although he crashed early, leaving me to be ready/up at 8PM while he was napping. A little frustrating, but it was tough today, being that I didn't sleep last night and I was feeling gross all day. I ended up walking around the resort part I'm near (since we upgraded, we're right in the middle of everything; a minute walk from the ocean, pool, all restaurants, etc), and caught the end of a fire dancing show. It was ridiculous! The things that the people did was just awesome. Literally, right when the performers went for their applause, it started raining, which caused me to go back to the room, watch the Phillies win against the Mets, and come on here to update you.

On Having Been On Hiatus

My internet has been down for the week. Finally got it up and running last night after almost a week, thank goodness. I was going nuts.
Not much has been new. Been working, had an interview for a teaching job last week, and packing for my trip. Jay and I, a friend of ours, and Jay's mom, are going to Mexico next week. I'm getting sooo ready to go for the trip.

I do not like these counseling sessions with Jay. Is that bad to say?

I am totally tired of work. During the summers, Jay and I run the kitchen of a non-profit organization's summer camp. It has been such a drain on us physically and, at times, emotionally. There have been a lot of changes this year that have just worn us out. And this week/last week, we've had the most number of campers and it's been hectic. Kids eat so much! :P

In other news, Jay and I started seeing a counselor this past weekend. Our relationship has just been kind of festering the last few months. It's been hard to communicate with our busy schedules and Jay recommended that we see someone to help us with working on communicating skills. It's tough because I grew up Brethren, which is very Mennonite-like. You don't show your feelings, your emotions with people. You don't seek help for anything.

So we went to see the guy on Saturday. I kid you not, I wanted to vomit the entire time, and for at least an hour afterward. It was really good though. It's hard for me to talk about things that bother me, but I think I warmed up to our counselor fairly well. It feels weird going to a counselor, let alone with your best friend/love of your life going with you and talking about things. It was weird, I ended up crying/bawling, and we got our homework for the week: Jay has to wait in the bathroom after he uses the toilet (b/c I NEVER am the one to clog it, but I always have to unclog it), I have to talk to Jay when I'm frustrated, or to communicate when I'm able to, we have to have down time throughout the week to do something together (cuddle with no TV, hang out, take a walk, etc.), and Jay has to teach me to cook something. So far so good.

My First Post!

Hello there, World! (:

I'm not fully sure what to write on my first post. I have had a blog or two in my past; a zanga and a blogspot site in college, but I was hoping to be able to get back into it. The blogs that I had before were where I connected with real-life friends, but I want a space now where I can be hidden, in a sense. I want to connect with people that I don't know, and share things that I may not normally to a listening, non-judgmental ear. We'll see how it goes (:

So about me! I grew up on a farm in a small town that's now slowly turning into a suburb. I hate that idea of it becoming a big pond. I went off to college and when I came back 4 years later everything changed. I am an only child which explains why I keep things bottled up and why I don't get along with my mother. I am certified to teach elementary and special education and am "patiently" awaiting that elusive first contract. I've been substitute teaching for the last two years and I'm ready to explode if something good doesn't come my way very soon.

I grew up not only on a farm but also in the Brethren church. For those of you that know us Brethrens, we're ridic. I love my church, and my church family, however, "we" are so judgmental. My church has recently taken big steps to become more contemporary and attractive to a younger crowd and I've been turned off by it. I want very desperately to find my niche church, but it's hard because I had that church family for so long, for almost 25 years! If I were to find a church that I enjoy, I would find it very hard to leave what I grew up with.

I've also been with "Jay" for three years this coming fall. I love this boy to death. Last year, we went together and got a house (and 2 cats!). It's been a big step up for us, and while I'm not expecting it (okay, maybe I am..), I'm looking forward to become a Mrs. someday soon. I get along with his mother great, which has always been a number one priority for my future spouse. I guess one thing that turns me off is that he is from a very small family, or at least, only a few members are still around and active with him. It's one thing that I'm not used to. I'm from a huge family; my dad is one of five siblings, my mom is one of three, I have up towards about 20 cousins, who, growing up, we spent holidays together. I am close with 80% of my great aunts/uncles, I had met all but one of my great-grandparents. I recently (2003) lost my last great-grandmother, and (2009) my first grandparent. Growing up, I kind of expected to follow suit in getting involved in a big family. I didn't really expect to have to provide that for my own future household.

Okay. I think I shared a good bit here. Hopefully I keep this up. Happy blogging!

~Suz